Redeemed

I've read that when writing any sort of paper, the last sentence that we want to start with is, "I don't even know where to begin." Well, that is exactly how I feel about this blog. Beware, it's going to be long and scantily organized, but hey, it's worth a try!

I promised that I would tell of the reasons that I hadn't been faithfully posting blogs. The honest truth is that I didn't feel qualified. Why would this blond-headed girl from middle-of-nowhere Indiana have anything to say about things beyond myself? Why would this person who has turned into something that she despises have anything to say to encourage others in their walk with Christ? The truth is...I don't.

The last couple of months, I haven't been qualified to write blogs because of the filthy selfishness that has surrounded my soul. I pray that no one has noticed it, but that is highly unlikely, seeing as I have been a (word comes to mind). I have had a scewed view of life, turning the deep, meaningful aspects of life into surface, meaningless throw-aways and the surface garbage into something that I was grasping for with all my might.

It wasn't until I had a reunion with my Kenya team that I got called out on some sin that I had fallen into this last semester that I realized this. Those selfish ambitions literally mean nothing to everyone but myself, and considering that we are supposed to be living beyond ourselves...yeah, you get the point.

I guess that the point of this blog is mainly to apologize for the person that I have become. But there is great news, God has once again taken my life and repaired it!

During the New Year, most people decide on resolutions to work toward for the upcoming year. I have never been a fan of resolutions, seeing that for the most part, they are easily broken within the first couple of months. I have felt that in making a resolution, it is impending doom upon ourselves by NOT completing that resolution. While I didn't make any resolutions, I believe that God did. He decided that he was going to give me another chance to be completely, recklessly, and fully in love with him. After all, after talking with one of my brothers, I realized that the very essence of christianity is LOVE. Not the selfish love of ourselves like I had been expressing, but the completely deep love for one another in Christ. It's a love that very few people experience. It can't be bought or sold or even signed with a pen. It's a love that only comes from the Holy Spirit. It's a love that holds together 17 people who all come from different backgrounds, families, and beliefs. It's a love that no matter how hard we try, we can't dillude, dissuade, or dissolve it.

I felt that love during the New Year when God told me that I needed to be baptized again. I was baptized when I was 5. While I understood what it meant, I rededicated my life to God when I was 11, and I haven't been baptized since then. I was hoping to be baptized in the Carribean when I went to the Dominican Republic, but that didn't end up working out. I believe that God held off me being baptized until the New Year. After all, the New Year symbolizes new beginnings.

So, what is my resolution this year? To really be the person that God has called me to be. Not the person that I was. Who I am hates who I've been. Who I am never wants to go there again.

"Do not fear, for behold, I have redeemed you. I have called you by your name. You. are mine." -Isaiah 43:1

It's all about the love.